Fatherlessness…the new norm that isnt.

I had the opportunity to be featured on a local radio station with a global footprint via the internet. Asked to come on and talk about Mental health in general and more specifically in the Black community. I was also given the platform to talk about the effects of fatherlessness on the development of children. Its my belief/thinking boys and girls are effected in very real ways, but differently.

I’m fighting the draw to promote Transpersonal Psychology, the basis of my education, to stay on message: “The Realities of Fatherlessness”  This “topic” is the tree-trunk of the work I do with Transpersonal Psychology the roots. Each branch of the tree represent the many twists and turns fatherlessness produces. To take the analogy to further steps lets acknowledge every leaf on the tree as a child produced from this ever growing, far reaching tree. While a product of this tree every leaf has its own story, its own pattern, shade, color and shape. Some leaves are more stout than others, but all leaves of the same tree.  

The boys often experience growing to less than full maturity. There is an insecurity in that these boys almost always experience life from a perspective of wondering what if. What if my father remained in my life, would i be stronger? Would I have more value for my history, culture and lineage. There is something to having knowledge of family these un-fathered boys will forever consider. Its in even the consideration that energy is misused. Un-fathered boys often have something to prove to the world, mainly that being un-fathered didn’t matter when in fact its in the denial that makes the experience more impactful. How could a boy growing to manhood without the direct connection, influence and support of his father not be impacted? Denial is a powerful defense mechanism. Often we become so good at denying our truth it becomes automatic and done without any thought or process. Perhaps to consider: the things we deny find there way to be a part of our experience. Things pop up, come into view, and make themselves known in big ways so as to be acknowledged. Truth has a way of jumping up and down, waving its arms and shouting “Over here, over here, here I am” as we look direct at it and pretend not to see. Sometimes truth hurts and we avoid the pain by accepting the hurt we know, the hurt we can contain…until it makes itself known, over and over and over again until denial is no longer an option. Un-fathered boys at some point are forced to see the ravages of being un-fathered be it in failed relationships, fearful of even controlled vulnerability, and avoiding intimacy with others (even self). Un-fathered boys almost always struggle in relationships with others. Be it business or personal the question of origin, commitment, and self-awareness prevails on some level. And if denial is the lens through which these boys see the world do they ever see the real truth of anything, anyone or any situation? Can you trust a person who doesnt trust the truth? Always in an attempt to prove theyre okay these un-fathered boys often repeat the cycle by denying their children the truth of who they are by becoming absent. With truth in hand, the lens of denial removed the child of the un-fathered father affords the opportunity to address in his son what he has denied his entire life: he does matter. 

Part 2 Un-fathered Girls soon to follow